Post 100: Top 5 Oregon Trailmates

Welcome to the 100th Cinco de Piddy post. I'm gonna keep the intro short and sweet. Everyone was given a simple question they had to answer.

"If you had to pick 5 people to bring on the Oregon Trail with you, who would they be and why?"

(Which I will give credit where its due, this was Jen's idea. I just blatantly stole it.)

Eveyone was legal. Living or dead. Famous or no. Handicapped or retarded. Everything was fair game. With that being said, let's kick things off. First up, the reigning Blog Brawl Champion, Sweet Bef...

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Sweet Bef of Nothingness

5) Kevin Federline (kFed) - Designated person to die first
4) Mandy - She won't judge me when I get the shits
3) Justin Timberlake - To make sweet love to on those long boring nights
2) Issac Mizrahi - To keep me entertained on those long boring nights when I'm not having sex with Justin Timberlake
1) Morgan Freeman - To keep people from stealing my oxen and to drive...

...he can narrate the journey too.

Coming soon to a theater near you, "March of the Oregon Trail"
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Liam

5) Stephen King - For ghost stories
4) A Hot Girl - For obvious reasons
3) John Wayne - For protection from Indians & hunting
2) Another Hot Girl - ...For the same obvious reasons
1) George Steinbrenner - So he could catch Dysentery and die

For reference, Liam's from Boston. And he loves the Red Sox.
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Cobby

5) I'd choose God. Obvious choice. "Yo G-Dog, I'm tired of walking. Will us there or some shit."
4-1) Four very hot womenz

I can see the message now. "Cobby died from syphillis.
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Captain Phil

5) Bill Gates - For the money and business savvy
4) Arnold Schwarzenegger - To scare people so they'd take us seriously
3) A Ninja - For any less than nice things we need to to
2) A Victoria's Secret Model - For me
1) A Desert Eagle - To keep the others from my Victoria's Secret Model

Piddy: Wouldn't you rather use the gun to keep people from killing your oxe?
Captain Phil: Eh. Arnold could always pull the wagon if an oxe died.
Captain Phil: And if necessary, we could eat Bill Gates for food
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Gabrielle of Mysterious & Misplaced

5) Phil - For personal reasons
4) Piddy - Because there has to be at least one black man in every movie. And no, the black man does not have to die first.
3) My Mom - She could cook all the food for us
2) Cam (A friend of mine) - He knows all about camping and walking long distances. And I'm sure he knows something about traveling in a wagon.
1) A Redneck (Preferably a random one) - Someone has to be insane enough to go out and hunt buffalo

Okay. A redneck and a random black man going across country. And yeah, I'm not gonna be the first one to die first. You'll see me swinging from some tree on the outskirts of Idaho.
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Kel Kel

5) Piddy - Because he's fun
4) Mike - Because he's smart
3) Denny - Because we need "that guy"
2) April - Because I haven't seen her in forever
1) My Mom - Because she makes yummy food

I hear Mike's good at driving wagons nd F150s on command. Almost like a white slave if you will...
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pKyle of trueparallels

"i dunno"

This is where you go get your popcorn and milk duds folks. Or MoonPies and RC Colas.
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John of PlanetSuper

5) My dad - He knows everything and can make or fix anything
4) Daniel Boone - We'd need a good frontiersman
3) Summer Glau - Only because I have an unhealthy obsession w/ her
2)....

At this point, John started drooling and mumbling something crazy about Summer Glau. I think the boy's in love.
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Chad of Daily Thoughts

(List in no particular order)
5) Jasmine - She cool. She fine. Can do an ass of shit. Cook, Clean, People
4) Piddy - You my nigga. You are resourceful and with them calves you could carry 100 lbs of meat back.
3) Eric - He my boi and can carry a lot of shit back.
2) Grump (My brother) - He knows a lot of shit and goes camping w/ his bois often.
1) Mark - He's in da army and he my nigga from high school. In Iraq he learned how to survive, kill, and he's bug

(Bonus Conversation)
chad: and like i might through in [edited]
chad: u could feed off dem titties for days if we have to eat somebody
chad: do ya really wanna kill eric and eat his ass:-TOPolk2: LOL
TOPolk2: ooooh...damn that laugh hurt me
TOPolk2: [edited] would also provide lots of milk for the whole clan
TOPolk2: she'd be necessary
chad: exactly
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TigerBelle113 (aka Libby) of Randomnimity

(Fantasy Oregon Trail)
5) Fred Savage - Cause Mandy so helped re-ignite that flame
4) Ryan Seacrest - Because I will always be entertained
3) Casey Jones (from TMNT: The Movie) - I'll always be protected
2) Jessica Alba - I'd so dyke it out for her.
1) Brad Pitt - Because I want to be stimulated by intellectual conversation. (That, and it'd keep him the hell away from Angelina Jolie's skank ass)

Libby. You're entertained by Ryan Seacrest? *shakeshead*

TigerBelle113 (aka Libby) of Libby's Friend of the Day
Ey, you got two blogs, you can get two entries

(Serious Oregon Trail)
5) My brother - because I wouldn't dare be stuck on a cross-country road trip without him hogging the damn bench seat. It's not a road trip w/out a sibling argument. That, and he's my most favorite person in the whole wide world.
4) Buddy Hammonds - because he has the most amazing voice I have ever heard in the entire world. If he weren't gay, I woulda hit that shit a long time ago.
3) Lisa DuBois - because I have to have someone keep me in line
2) TIE: Terence Polk and Jennifer Denton - because SHIT if we wouldn't keep ourselves entertained for all 80 million hours just being random
(editor's note, I'm way more random than Jen. I might be prettier too. )
1) Shay--because let's face it 80 million hours on the hot and bumpy road...a girl's gonna need a little lovin' at some point...



(...and Jessica Alba won't be there)
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Jen (aka White Swalo)

5) Emeril Lagasse - Because on a long journey like this, hunger is not an option. Hunger=weakness=injuries and disease. Plus we'll be eating the same food for months. We'll need him to kick it up a notch to keep it interesting.
4) Libby - Because she can get us on the right route, and even knows how many trees/rocks/other random landmarks we'll pass before each turn.
3 &2) Adam & Jake - Because we can cut the risk of losing oxen in the river to a big fat zero. Hook Adam and Jake up to the wagon and give em surfboards -- problem solved.
1) South Carolina Metropolitan Champion, Piddy - For his wrestling moves. Because wrestling bears saves ammo. Emeril can also then create his masterpieces without worrying about buckshot in the meat. And as an added plus, Piddy fills the Token spot for the group.

(Between wrestling bears, telling jokes, carrying meat with my calves, and being the token black guy (along w/ Morgan Freeman), there's very little chance of me making it from South Carolina to Oregon. By the way hun, flattery gets you nowhere but thanks for using my full title. I'll give you a dollar next time I see you.)

I was going to include Dave and Kyle in the list, but Dave would miss having more than 2 girls to talk to and Kyle would be late for the departure anyways.
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Eric of Plato's Millenium Blog (DOA)

5) Pops - Rough tough character
4) Will Tucker - High School Friend and Marine. Nuff Said.
3) Uncle Lewis - I need someone who could hunt. He can fish too.
2) Some Girl - Doesn't matter who. As long as she has some hooters.
1)

....Once again, hooters/girls come up, people forget to finish the list.
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Mandy of BlogIsTheNewBlack

5) Clive Owen - He can give me dysentary all day
4) Chuck Norris - No thieves would steal oxen from this guy
3) Jeff Corwin - You need someone to handle the buffalo
2) Rachel Ray - I bet she makes good bison burgers
1) McGyver - He can fjord the river better than anyone using a shoelace and you know it

BOUT TIME!! All these people and only one person said McGyver. Kudos Mandy.
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Piddy of EAP BlogMix & Cinco de Piddy (obviously)

5) Mariah Carey - She's got good child bearin hips. Plus she looks like she might be able to plow a field if necessary.
4) Captain Phil - I've seen this man build tube amps out of old televisions, some wire, and a shoebox. This is also the same man who took a $60 car and made it worth something. He'd be handy around the wagon.
3) Libby - because she opens up many doors. Once we get to Utah, we can start our polygamist relationship. Which brings in people such as Shay, Shakira, Mike Alstott of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Jessica Alba, Jen, etc. Thats a win win situation. Sure, Shay has a penis. Me no likie. But for 3 blondes and a brunette, I'll make a sacrifce. Mike Alstott you ask? That bitch is pullin' the wagon.
2) The Pet Shop Boys - Just so they could sing their early 90s smash hit "Go West" over and over and over again. I'll probably kill them before we reach the Mississippi, but ya know it'd make for a good background music during the obligatory montage scene.
1) Vida Guerra - Cause ya know, Oregon's pretty far away. Sometimes I'm gonna feel like a nap. Apparently since I'm gonna be wrestling bears all day I gotta sleep sometime.

I know I left out key fellas like Big Game James, Chad, and Big E...but all things considered, I'm trying to cut down on the penis to vagina ratio here. Ya'll know how it is. I probably won't make it to Oregon but truthfully, is that really a bad thing?
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Much love to everyone for reading, contributing, and whatever else it is you guys do.

If I didn't get a chance to get around to you and you wanna be in the list, the comments section is straight down. Feel free to add your own.